The voice came loud and clear through the phone, “You guys married yet?”
We’ve been fielding that question a lot lately. You may have heard that I’m engaged and additionally, you may know that it’s been a few minutes since I said “Yes.”
You see, we originally had a wedding date set for January of 2022. But the more we walked life together, the more we recognized the sweet and steady gift of taking time to get ready.
And today, as I write this to you, I’m proud of our waiting. It was courageous, and it was just right for us.
As a coach and woman who has *ahem* been around a while, I understand that decision-making can be fraught with complexity. Cultural norms, family-friend-partner expectations, as well as our own inner critics may press us into declaring YES or NO before we’ve allowed ourselves time to “feel into” what is exactly right for us.
You’ve heard that expression, “Ready, Set, GO?”
Well, what if we allow ourselves, “Ready, Set, WOAH?”
Pausing in the process of making a decision to check in with ourselves may help us feel more landed in our choice. In coaching terms, it’s known as Awareness, Alignment, and Action. If we’re stuck in a YES/NO tug of war, or it seems like there’s no good option, that’s the time to deepen awareness of what that decision is inviting. Maybe underneath it all, it’s really about a need for safety or belonging, or who knows what slows us down? Only after we become aware and aligned – and not before – will right action show itself.
No guesswork. No sleepless nights. No doubt.
Rather, clarity and a landed knowing in our bones.
That kind of knowing is unshakable. It’s unapologetic. It provides us awareness that our decision is a personal one, and it affords us the space for allowing and honoring our singular experience. When we make a decision from this place, we are in alignment with ourselves, body, mind, and soul.
And that is the very essence of well being.
But wait, wait! What if we aren’t Ready? What do we do then?
If we’re facing a decision, no matter how big or seemingly-small, we’ve found our growing edge!
Part of us is ready for something new.
And part of us isn’t…yet.
When I hit my growing edge, feeling hesitant to allow movement or change, I remind myself that in-between is completely natural. In fact, I suspect we spend most of our waking time moving in- and out- of between. I give myself permission to savor the in-between, to honor what really wants attention, instead of blowing past my own wisdom for the sake of meeting some arbitrary deadline or someone else’s expectation.
Then, I slow down and get to know the part of me that isn’t on board yet. Is it resistant, reluctant, afraid? I listen and then listen some more. I take walks and journal. I talk with a trusted companion. I check in with the subtle squishes and tweaks in my body. I build more and more awareness of what the choice moment is really about for me. I keep listening until I have heard myself out and I arrive at a Clearing of Clarity. At that point, the search is over. The decision offers itself to me, and I am ready for it.
It’s natural to Get Ready, Get Set. But now, I just don’t rush the “GO!”
In fact, once we’ve increased awareness of our situation, we may be more aligned with, “Ready, Set, NO!”
In a space of allowing, exploring all options truly affords us an opportunity to bring more of ourselves to the moment when change is at our door.
And then, when we’ve gotten ready and set, we can confidently open that door and walk through to a future of our dreams.