Seasons Change and So Do I Hello, friends ~
I’ve been incubating some change within me. I can feel it since summertime.
Listening quietly, I haven’t written lately because I was allowing myself the space to hear what wanted to come forth. Sure enough, this morning on my walk, the season within me changed, and I was ready…ready to allow some “show-and-tell” from my insides out.
Like the seasons, the process is natural.
It can’t be rushed or forced.
Here’s how it is for me: You know Rumi’s poem, “The Guest House?” It’s about accepting and welcoming all emotions, including the difficult ones, as guests in the house of our mind and body. Well, recently I’ve been having lots of guests. One visitor, I’ll call her “Nervous Nelly,” came knocking the day I decided it was time to schedule our four cats for their annual vet visits.
As soon as I dialed the vet with my calendar at the ready, Nelly started whispering in my ear, “What if you can’t catch them? What if they need x-rays and it gets really expensive?” I hung up and decided to wait and think about it a bit more.
Days went by.
Then weeks…
Spring turned to summer.
Every time I’d pet or play with our precious fur babies, I was plagued with the vague worry that I hadn’t made those appointments. Then another part of me, “Impatient Irma,” started knocking, “What are you waiting for? It’s not going to get any easier! What if they get sick in the meantime?”
Eeek.
It was getting crowded in here.
As parts of me went about “interior decorating” my head space with doubts, I delayed and fretted. The fear became palpable as I envisioned the scenario of my attempts to trap and crate each beloved animal in their own states of fright.
Ughhh. I felt captive to my own emotions, like a cage gripping my heart.
About this time, I was granted the opportunity to engage in some practice with a student coach readying for certification. Trusting the coaching container as an ideal place to metabolize my feelings, my “guests” and I showed up, and we gently started entertaining them.
With my coach’s help, I got curious about the Nervous Nelly part. Rather than be consumed by NN, I imagined her sitting beside me. I was able to breathe my own heart-centered breath and look at her (truly a part of myself) with eyes of compassion.
“What do you need?” I asked NN.
Immediately the answer came from a deep well inside me, “I need help. It’s too much for me to do alone.”
Whewwwwww….
With that realization, I exhaled a breath I must’ve been holding for ages. It’s too much for me to do alone. Huh. That understanding landed in my awareness with a thunk.
And then, my coach asked me a truly transformative question:
What’s another way to think about this?
Being a “word girl,” I love wordplay. As you may imagine, when I shifted my thinking from ‘trap’ to ‘carry,’ from ‘crate’ to ‘carrier,’ something softened within me. Trapping felt like an act of aggression, while carrying was an expression of love.
And didn’t I also wish to be carried? Ohhhhh.
That coaching day, I was carried to new understanding of old fears. I felt a season change within me as I grew beyond my limiting thoughts about a situation that had held me in its grip. I was made new, more whole, resourceful, and peaceful in this expanded space of allowing life to move through me once again.
When we carry ourselves with loving care, feelings transform, seasons change, and we grow ever more aligned with peace and well-being.
Wishing you a season of transformation in your own time and your very own space of allowing.
Lots of love,
Nancy
P.S.
All our little babies’ vet visits have been successfully navigated with the help of my sweet husband, my thoughtful coach, and our great vet, in concert with me and all my parts working together! |
